Why? Well, let’s see. The one relationship I’ve ever had was probably the happiest time of my life. I loved that boy with absolutely everything I had and thought he was completely perfect. And obviously, he hurt me. I’ve never been hurt like that in my life. But when I sit down and think about it, I miss him. I miss who he used to be, I miss who I was. I miss when he and I couldn’t speak to each other without cracking a smile I miss waking up running to the computer to an IM that said “Girlfriend!” I miss being on the phone till 4 in the morning talking about everything I miss being walked to class and kissed goodbye I miss waiting for him at his locker and wearing his sweatshirts and going to the library with him on sundays to do homework being at his house every weekend and baking him cookies just because I love him and writing his name over and over and over again in all my notebooks and god I just miss hearing the words “I love you.”

I miss my old relationship, and I miss my old boyfriend. I don’t want that with anyone else. I don’t have the patience for that with anyone else. And to be honest, I don’t even want that with the person he is now. That was the best time of my life and I miss it so bad. But I don’t want it again. Am I making any sense? I miss it, but I wouldn’t do it again. I just can’t do it again. I don’t want to do it again. I want to go back. But not start over. I hope this makes sense and I’m not just rambling.